If you're out to dinner with me and we're at a restaurant where I have dined often, there is a 99 percent chance that I will order the exact same meal that I have ordered on previous visits. Usually, this is done very covertly, without pomp and circumstance, until I can no longer resist the urge to say that what I'm about to order is the absolute, very best thing on the menu.
Once everyone has released the breathe of air they were holding waiting for this to happen - what rings out is a chorus (sometimes in surround-sound) of, "we know, Betsy either orders the best or worse thing on the menu." Then it is typically followed up by sneers or jeers and maybe a few "remember when Betsy ordered..." stories.
One of the more common themes of my misadventures seems to revolve around restaurants.There's so much good food for fodder here (pun intended) - for instance, I have a track record of encountering several non-food items in my ordering (hence, one of the reasons I feel I am justified to say that I often order "worst thing on the menu" versus just "something not that great on the menu"). And, yes, my top ten list is completely disgusting and I will not go into that and mess up my lovely blog that revolves around pies. I will say that recently I did find an arm hair (not mine) in a taco and that doesn't even grace the top five.
Another example, although you might not believe me and hopefully some friends will comment on this - is that if there is a bug to be found, it will make its way into my water, iced tea or wine without fail. Sometimes, even if I get a new glass and new liquid, more bugs will find their way into my drink. It has happened so often that I pretty much continue to drink my wine or water as long as the size of the bugs is minute (not to be totally gross, but when possible, I'll fish them out). I gave up being grossed out or annoyed by this long ago. Seriously, I'd never drink anything out at a restaurant ever again if I didn't make these concessions.
I absolutely love food and I enjoy a great meal out. That is why I insist on always striving for "the best thing on the menu." And usually, I get it right. Sometimes it takes a few tries at my ordering technique to obtain ordering perfection, often requiring multiple visits. It takes a lot of work for me to settle on what I want to order -- deep thought, attention to detail, weighing of the pros and cons, what am I in the mood for? All these questions must be answered before I can make the right selection. And when it is the right selection, it is worth it, which is why I tend to always order the same thing again and again. Why deviate when you know you won't be disappointed? When you know it will be just as delicious as it was last time? The only issue is when there is a new chef and it's made completely different. It is just devastating to me - hard to recover from that one (well...at least until dessert!).
Now, I have to admit that there is only one restaurant out there where I have rarely ordered the same thing, and I have done this NOT because I "ordered the worst thing," but because the menu is so compelling and food so delicious, I have preceded to eat my way through just about the entire menu over the many years I've lived in Charlotte. Props to 300 East. *cue the fingers to the thumb, brings her hand up to her lips and makes that kissing noise* Simply divine food.
But I digress, back to my main point here - sometimes it takes a few tries at my ordering technique to get to ordering nirvana, and today was no exception. A few weeks ago, I tried out one of the latest hot lunch places in uptown Charlotte, Newk's. I got one of the salads and I liked it okay, but felt I could do better. So, today I thought, I'd like a little less food (the salad bowl was bigger than my head) - I'll go with a half soup and half salad. So I place my order and wait for it to arrive. I get my little half salad, but I am presented with the largest bowl of soup I've ever seen. "This is not mine," I say. The server asks, "what did you order?" I explain - "I got the half soup." He says, "This is the soup." I counter, "I thought it was small" (and point to my co-worker's smaller bowl of soup accompanying his half sandwich). Exit server, leaving me in a state of confusion with an enormous bowl of soup. I still have some work to do here.
On the way out, I had to look back at the menu. Yep, there it was - in black and white - you can either get a half soup and half sandwich or a half salad and bowl (yes, that is bowl) of soup. What is that?!?! That defeats the purpose of a half and half. I wanted smaller portions. Apparently, I need to read the menu more closely.
And just another aside, I do have a tendency to over order as well - having done this most recently (and egregiously) at Shomar's. My co-workers love to go there and it took me about five or six times to land on my perfect "best thing on the menu" - the Greek chef salad with chicken, no shell and pita on the side. One time I ordered the gyro platter - what arrived but the largest plate of food I've ever seen - lamb meat stacked sky high, on top of french fries, with lettuce, tomato, a side greek salad and a plate of pita on the side. I could have fed a small country.
My menu foibles continued on throughout the day apparently. I went to East Blvd Bar and Grill tonight and ordered a very tasty and delicious USA Burger. Thinking it was just the standard cheese burger, I was shocked to see it arrive with three pieces of bacon on top. "That is not mine..." *Reprise lunch dialogue with server.* It was an odd sense of deja vu. In this case, let me tell you, the customer was not right. Again, I apparently did not read the full menu. Although, really, when I think of a USA burger, I think of the basic burger...but I didn't get the memo about the bacon. Still good though.
Needless to say there are two certainties (well, probably many more) that will occur if you are out with me at a restaurant. The first is that there will be drama, and most likely high drama during both the ordering phase and the delivery of food phase of the process. The second is that I will order either the "best thing on the menu" or I will take a wrong turn somewhere and truly end up with the "worst thing on the menu." But I can guarantee that no matter which way my meal ends up, it will definitely be an entertaining dining experience.
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