So, no offense to my gym, the Charlotte YMCA, but the title indeed sums up my evening. It seemed to have slipped my mind that it was January, which means prime time at any and all gyms. Gone are the easy breezy days of showing up to class with a minute to spare and getting "the good spot." Oh, how I love thee January.
I'm not quite sure why I thought I'd be able to sail right into class today. In my 34 years, I'd estimate that I have experienced at least 17 or 18 Januarys at the Y (Yes, I started going, to that exact gym, when I was 16). We all know the drill - it's new year's resolution time. Everyone wants to work out, get in shape and lose weight. How do you do that - you dust off the Y membership you haven't used in 11 months and head for the gym.
It's crowded, you can't find a machine, people (many of whom are working out for the first time in ages) are cranky (wouldn't you think it would be the opposite - happy, endorphin-filled people?). And then, there are the newbies to the gym -- now, of course, at one point in time I was certainly a newbie, but that was back when I was 16. The newbies -- you love to hate 'em -- they wander around cluelessly, they don't obey the gym rules (hey! it's crowded, so that means 30 minutes, not an hour on the machine!) and most importantly, they take up space in the classes that used to be practically empty!
I can recall one year in which I declared I would not go to the gym until at least mid-February. The only hitch in this plan was that I didn't do any other physical activity in the interim. So, when mid-February rolled around, I had found other ways to spend my time, which I'm sure involved eating and drinking wine. Needless to say, that directive was not a huge success.
Even if I had not run into a friend on my way out of work, I still would not have had the 20-30 minutes necessary to arrive to the gym early, claim my space and most importantly, find a parking spot. If you really want to experience some road-ragers, visit any gym parking lot during the hours of 5-8 p.m. M-T during the first few weeks of January. Yikes.
So due to my lack of planning, I arrive at the gym with T minus two minutes until spin class time. The "duh meter" clicked "on" in the back of my mind as I approached the satellite parking lot, the lot that is usually about 20 percent full around the 5:20 p.m. mark. I drove through the lot - completely full - with a line of cars in front of me and a line of cars behind me. I stared in disbelief -- the gym is really packed today. Really, I couldn't believe the lot was full - I think I actually said that out loud to myself in the car.
I drove around the block and contemplated turning the car around and going home (I think that was my inner subconscious that did not want to work out). But then the parking gods opened up and as I turned back into the lot, a spot appeared. I pulled right in it, except I couldn't leave the car all lopsided and wonky in the spot. So, put her into reverse. What's that - I see movement out of the corner of my eye - someone thinks I'm leaving. I'm sorry just straightening out here, nothing to see, move along - yes, I know I am a horrible parker and you're raging at me outside of a Christian organization just because I wasn't really leaving my parking spot. I'm sorry!!!
Once my car was set, the clock was showing 5:32. I told myself that I should still be okay. I'll just sneak into class - I really only missed the warm-up. I'll still get to complete the true workout of spin class - the hard hills and ladders. So, I head into the gym. Boy, it is teeming with people. Somewhere the wheels were turning...what is the date? Wait, oh no, is it...it is January at the gym!!!!! (Cue the horror music and pan in and out on my face as the recognition of this truth grows).
On my way in some really nice people greeted me and handed me a t-shirt. "It's a long sleeved one, it's really nice." In retrospect, I wonder if they thought I was a newbie. Quel horreur! I USED TO BE A CROSSFITTER!!! Maybe I should have titled this "Nightmare on Morehead Street."
Ever the optimist, I continued to hold on to the thought that there would still be a spot for me in spin class. Why, just last month I'd gone several times (same day, same time) and there were only about 15 people in the class that could hold about 40 (she says, innocently). No problem - well, there was a problem - completely full. Where have all these people been? They certainly weren't there a mere three weeks ago!
I tried another class - there was room, but no equipment. So, I decided to hit the track. I didn't even make an attempt at the machines - that would be pointless. So, I'm running, up above the class with space for me, but no equipment, on the indoor track. Running, running, one lap, two laps, three laps - then I hear the instructor say, "group one, up the track." Are you serious? I wanted to scream. Just let me do this one thing, please. Me and the other two guys were doing just fine up here by ourselves, I wanted to plead.
The class, their eyes wild with new year's resolutions, flies up the stairs to join me on the track. They are breathing down my back like a herd of antelopes. "I'm doing a distance run!!!! Can't you see I'm in this for the long haul!?!?" I wanted to yell as they blew past me. Well, I was only running a mile, but do they really need specifics?
It takes 16 laps to complete a mile and I just didn't have the attention span for more miles, so I found a lone mat and completed about 200 crunches in various styles. I ended with a stretch and then thought, "I've done just about all I can do here." I wasn't waiting around for 45 or so more minutes until the next classes. I was done.
Or so I thought...I head out to the parking lot and I started to have this feeling akin to a tuna fish or a baby seal, swimming out in the big, black ocean when they slowly begin to realize they are being stalked by a school of sharks. I know, I know -- you want my space. I promise that this time I'm not just straightening up! I really am leaving - although, if you're waiting for me, I take at least three back and forths to get out of the spot before I feel comfortable that I'm not going to hit the car next to me as I'm leaving. So, please no raging - save that for the gym.
So, it wasn't the best workout day ever, but at least I worked out. And to all the gym folks who will be diligently going to the gym until Feb. 1 (or Jan. 15) and to all the newbies - God Bless Ya!
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